Grace in Healing: Learning to Give Myself the Same Grace I Give to Others

Grace (n.): a disposition of kindness

Self-Compassion (n.): treating oneself with kindness and gentleness, with a caring, soothing, and understanding attitude, especially when experiencing difficult life experiences or personal shortcomings.

It’s so easy to be hard on yourself when going through healing. I know for me, there have been moments in the healing process where I’ve been upset, disappointed, or irritated with myself. I’ve prayed with faith. I’ve seen improvement. I’ve even felt healed and like I made it to the other side of the thing. Then, out of nowhere, something happens and I feel like I’m back at square one. Like the work and progress that happened before was a figment of my imagination. Like God had not done what He actually did do.

Healing is funny like that. It’s not a linear thing. It can feel like we took one step forward to take more steps back. We tend to have an idea of what healing is supposed to look like for us regarding a specific situation. But our idea usually is not how it actually looks for us. That reality about healing’s non-linear nature is what trips us up in the process, it’s what can cause us to spiral or fall into moments of self-pity or self-loathing.

In transparency, someone super close to me has been dealing with some health issues. If I’m honest, I thought they were a lot further along on their healing journey. However, there were some recent unexpected challenges. In that, God used their situation to show me how healing is not linear and how I show up with myself in my healing.

Me and a loved one were talking about the recent challenges and how everything seemed better. God used that conversation to highlight to us the importance of giving ourselves grace and showing compassion in our own healing, in the ups and downs. As we watch our loved one’s healing journey, God revealed that it’s a physical illustration of the internal healing we go through. Things look better, a lot better, then an unexpected challenge or situation arises revealing to us there’s more healing to be done… sometimes in an area we did not consider. Does it negate the improvement that has already taken place? No. As evidence, look at the environment and conditions around you. Compare where you are now to where  you once were. Things have changed… for the better… even with the presence of challenges. Our loved one had spent months in the ICU, but now they are home. They went from not being able to walk or talk to dancing and singing. The conditions are different, even in the presence of challenges. HALLELUAH! A testimony of the healing hand of God! A testament of His goodness and presence! A reminder to hold on to God’s promises and word, keep the faith, and continue praying.

We were reminded that the same goes for us in our healing.

Another thing that was highlighted in that moment was our response to the unexpected challenge or situation. Regarding our loved one, we are able to extend grace because they have no control over what’s going on with them. Compassion comes easy. It’s easy to reassure them and let them know it isn’t their fault. Now when it came to ourselves, baby, here comes the frustration, weight of blame, cloak of shame, and negative self-talk because why am I still unhealed? Instead of grace, instead of compassion, we’ve responded to ourselves rude and in an unkind manner.

It’s important that we reframe the unexpected challenge or situation regarding our healing. We had no control over some of the traumas that we experienced and are healing from. We also have no control over how they have shown up in our heart and mind. We took control over what we could and put the rest in God’s hand. With God, those unexpected moments are God showing there’s still more healing to be done. He is the perfector. The One to clean impurities and give ultimate healing (Exodus 15:26). He mends broken hearts and collects every tear (Psalm 147:3, Psalm 56:8). More healing indicates that some healing has already taken place, not that healing never happened.

I thank God for using the situation with my loved one to open my eyes as it relates to my own healing—how I view and respond to myself in my healing. It was corrective in such a loving way. He isn’t unkind to me in my healing, but gracious because He loves me. Because He loves me, He wants me, His daughter, to respond to myself in the same manner. He had to highlight my response to a loved one on their healing journey to shine a light on His response to me on mine and the way I should respond out of love.

This is not just for me, or my loved one I had the conversation with, but for you too. Because He loves you, He wants you to respond to yourself in the same manner He responds to you… with grace and compassion. Respond with kindness.

It’s important that in the moments where more healing is revealed and on the healing journey in general that you remember to:

• Be kind to yourself

• Invite God in

• Check your inner voice

• Meditate on scripture

• Encourage yourself

• Invite trusted people in

Check your inner voice when more hurt, brokenness, or pain is uncovered. Dig deeper to see where the root of those things and the root of reactions stem from. Know you won’t be perfect on the healing journey, but the perfect God is with you in it.

Grace, Peace, & Love

Referenced Scripture

Exodus 15:26

and said, “If you diligently heed the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in His sight, give ear to His commandments and keep all His statutes, I will put none of the diseases on you which I have brought on the Egyptians. For I am the Lord who heals you.”

Psalm 147:3

He heals the brokenhearted

And binds up their wounds.

Psalm 56:8 (NLT)

You keep track of all my sorrows.

You have collected all my tears in your bottle.

You have recorded each one in your book.